Let's Play!

Marina smirked, pausing to kiss him tenderly. Then he was scooped up, Fritz and all into a effortless bridal carry.

"Well, I've got that going for me. "

Ryder laughed and crossed his legs faintly.

"Oh my! What could I do with this? "

He immediately cupped her cheeks and started nibbling on her ear

Marina couldn't help but laugh and smile at him, flush inching into her cheeks.

"Darling. "

She whispered in light reprimand, tone warm.

"What? This opportunity is so romantic. Let me live out my fantasy. "

He kissed down her neck now.

"Maybe I'm just SO thankful to be rescued and swept off into the sunset."

/ You're gonna make me deflower you in the middle of the street. /

She cautioned, heart swelling with affection as the heat swept across her body.

/ Living out your damsel in distress fantasy? /

"I didn't know this was on the to-do list, but I'd be a fool to pass up the opportunity. "

"I'm thinking we'll skip this form of public display."

She offered with a clear of her throat and gingerly placed him on his feet.

"I'll explore those areas with you when we're not trying to bring so much home and keep our girl safe. "

If they smashed right now that kitten might get squashed.

"Alright, alright. If you insist. "

Ryder chuckled.

"Maybe I'll be the knight next time and you can live out all your damsel dreams," he teased.

Marina glanced to him, seeming to look beyond him as she thought.

"Only if you promise to save me before I'm hurt."

She shared in agreement, tentatively offering him a small slice into her world and fears she tried to not acknowledge even happened. If he was going to save her, even in pretend land of sexy role play, he was going to have to do so before the bad guy hurt her.

Ryder slid an arm around her waist, kissing her forehead.

"I'll try. If I fail, though, I promise to stay with you until you're all better. "

Marina leaned into his touch, smiling against him a moment before she righted herself and nodded towards the way home, starting off again.

" I don't always get all better. But I'm pretty sure you're capable of caring for me better than most. ......"

But her mind was wondering now, unable to help the dusty memories kicked up. She wasn't cross and it didn't seem to be pulling her any worse than she was now. But it was still there and distracting her at the very least.

Ryder never quite let her slide out of his touch.

"I'll stay with you until you're all better," he said more softly, urging her to understand that knew and meant exactly what he was saying.

It didn't matter that she hadn't experienced it yet. He believed she could heal and be whole.

Marina let the words linger in the air until the one thing itching at her had crawled it's way to enough worry to lightly catch one of his fingers with her own.

"..... does that mean when you get there with me? When you nurse me back to self and health..... does that mean you're done with me? "

She asked carefully. Was that what he needed and got from relationships? Was she going to lose him?

Ryder knotted his fingers fully through hers.

"I'm not here so I can live out the fantasy of saving someone. I'm here for just you. You being happy wouldn't make me love you any less."

Marina looked at there hands and was trying to put feelings into words. Really it was a pointless way to expend energy and brain power. Still she struggled a few moments before her eyes turned up to his.

"And if I'm never better? .... "

Because as much as he believed it could happen, she wanted to be braced for how hard the fall would be when she missed another lover's expectations for her.

"Then you know I'll never leave."

Because that's what he was promising her right now.

Marina stood there a little while, swallowing a tiny bit as she tried....

" .....I don't want to lose you .... but I want to get better like you want me to...."

But she also didn't think it was possible. .... but loving someone wasn't the same as keeping them.... or staying their partner. Marina took a slow breath to try to calm herself, kissing him and then taking Fritz.

"I think I'm gonna go snuggle our baby girl and let you read the set up instructions for the pole."

"You can do both. By the time you're better, you won't have any doubts about keeping me. "

Ryder kissed her forehead.

"Okay. Where do you want it to go? "

Marina looked up at him.

"I have decided not the livingroom. I think the bedroom really makes the most sense? "

Beyond that she hadn't thought about it. They probably should pick the right spot. She also really needed to become a blob on the bed and try to detox. She just lay there.

You know. All of five minutes before she scooped up Fritz and grabbed a random book from a box stashed under the bed. If Ryder looked over, he'd find it was just a normal composite notebook. Marina took out her sharpie pen and wrote " Expression & Feelings. If you read, you were warned. "

Once dated she scrolled down the more pressing thoughts racing about the back of her mind, and the emotional tug of caused.

~ I think my dreams might actually be dying for real. When we passed wedding stores today they didn't register. I didn't fight off a hopeful little girl inside wanting to go look.

I haven't fawned over little babies or stared wistfully at expectant mother's in a while. I know I'm not all the way there....

I still pine for Ephriam. I long to just hold his hand. Or sit near him and feel kindness from him. To listen as he shows me all the little, wonderful things this world has if you're only willing to look. To fall asleep to him reading to me. To just listen to him breath.

Then there's Ryker.... I miss when he was daddy.... I miss when I was someone he wanted to see.... I didn't realize how much I missed feeling like just me was enough. Even if only a moment, for a brief minute I was so that matters..... I would live forever without it, if he could forgive me.

But I worry.... I love him so much, but.... he's never shrugged it off before. Never. He's never treated it as a given..... I worry I'm worth much less to him since I've made such a mistake. I .... I just wanted him ok. It was my fault he was so poorly anyway. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself knowing he was suffering because of me.

But now...

Now it's a mess. I really just want to talk and understand..... but he's said no. ... and that's one thing he's made very clear. When he uses no, much like his brother.... that's it. ... I try to respect it, too.

So I'm hurting..a bunch. Because I don't understand.... but I know I'm not allowed to talk about it. Or acknowledge it. I need to forget it. It was just a survival state. It means nothing and was nothing. I just fed him and that was it. But I'm still not entirely sure how to do it.

All I'm sure of, is whatever he asks of me if he comes back, I'll do. I know how precious the final moments of having someone you love so, loving you back is.

I hope....

I hope Ryder still wants to love me when his brother leaves me. But.... I'll not blame him in the least if he doesn't. Ryker needs someone loving and caring for him, and I don't know better for that than Ryder....

I hope their mom forgives me. I really didn't mean to ruin it all. I really do love them so much....~

Marina stopped and closed the book, wiping a few stray tears and staring at Fritz who was curled up sound asleep on Ryder's pillow.

"I think she's a daddy's girl. "

Ryder glanced up from the foot of the bed where he was massaging one of her feet.

"I think the space was just open," he countered playfully even as his hands continued to press affection into her skin.

Marina relaxed a bit as she felt his hands work at her, watching his fingers hit each and every tender spot.

"How can you tell where it needs attention? "

She knew how she did it now, but.... honestly she'd forgotten exactly how it was before she was vampire. It had been a long time ago and something so small.

" You can read this.... so can Ryker... or any lover. .. . If you've got thoughts or feelings about what is written and you want me to know them.... I would rather it written back, please? "

Because she had written it because saying it aloud was more than she felt confident to do. She was struggling to fully express things. But she doing her best though to keep communication between herself and others open.... just in a way she could manage.

"My lap was open....."

She was kinda sad Frotz had picked the pillow over her.

"I can feel it," he answered without looking up.

Ryder nodded to her request.

"Would you like me to read it, or do you just want me not to feel like it's off limits? "

Marina thought about this one long enough it was believable that she might have fallen asleep.

" I think you should read it. .... but you don't have to and I don't think you need to. But.... given that we both want to give the other all of ourselves,... there's some things it's easier to say on paper."

She shared eventually, looking so put off when she checked her watch for the third time.

"Nikki hasn't text back for days..... neither has Warren."

When Hale was texting back more than them, it was a sign of the earth spinning backwards. Neither had Ryker, but she didn't expect as much from that situation.

Ryder grinned at her.

"Then, sure. I'll be your pen pal."

He glanced up at her last comment.

"Do you want to go see them? "

Marina shrugged with a tiny sad look.

"Yes. But I'm. Not going to smash into their lives. They've got their own things going on. Nikki's job keeps him very busy, and it's fully possible that he's still managing whatever put our children in harms way..... and I mean, Warren works full time and is a full time father.... "

She wouldn't go to either unless she really needed to. Not unless at least passively acknowledged or cleared to do so. So she just rolled to her side and studied him.

" I mean it about the others too. If it's something you think they should or would want to know..... but all means. But if they've got something to say about what's there... write it. "

Because otherwise they wouldn't get much from her. It was too big. She closed her eyes and snuggle an armful of plushies.

"I love you, you know that, don't you? "

"I do, just like I hope you know I love you. "

He put her foot down, crawling up beside her.

"You could always go knock on their door? You dont have to go straight to their living room."

"No. I don't handle having a gun pointed at me very well. Even if they could not really kill me. "

She looked to him, cuddling into him.

"And Warren can be cranky. Plus a very tight schedule. He accepted my insane fertility and all the children it created. He carries the burdens and weight of raising them and still can manage to love me in whatever spare time he has. "

She pointed out, never wanting to prioritize herself before him or their children.

"I love them. It's alright. "

"There's nothing wrong with asking or checking on them. You can take up space. It's okay to have needs."

"I did ask..... and I can feel if anything is amiss with them of important significance. It really is ok.... I just wanted to be sad about it. I can't fix it right now.... but being sad...."

While he could probably understand better than some was something. She just missed her others and was able to tell the time was tipping towards him, hard right now.

Ryder nodded.

"I get it. Maybe you can surprise them with something to make the next time you visit a little more special?"

Marina nodded a tidbit, snuggling in flush with his chest now as teeny-tiny whiskers started to tickle at Ryder's neck.

" I try to make all my visits special, because I never know when it'll be my last chance to love them. "

Ryder reached back and scooped up the kitty, setting her on Marina's chest.

"Look who's awake and ready for more love."

Marina smiled at the protest meows, cuddling right up to the kitten and giving her loving little scratches.

"Ah yes, our little baby princess."

"Fritz the Ferocious! A big personality in a tiny, adorable package, just like her mom."

Marina giggled.

"She did attempt to kill me very recently. She's definitely got it out for me for sure. Maybe I should sleep with one eye open. "

She looked up at Ryder and stole a quick kiss.

/I really don't know how I'm so lucky to have you. /

"Nah. She's just keeping you in line, training you to her whims."

He rubbed his nose against hers.

/it was meant to be./

/ I'm so lucky to be loved. To be cherished and wanted. It's such a fortunate feeling..../

One she fully expected to fall away at any moment in time. She was cozy though, looking over to the large painting on the wall. She didn't say a word about it, a tiny wishful longing settling into her.

"That part isnt lucky. You always should have been. That you found such a handsome specimen as myself to do it? Thats luck."

Marina snickered a tiny bit.

/Mmmhmm, a talented, dedicated, delicious man as yourself. Luck indeed. /

She agreed.

He made a show of thinking about it.

"Could be luckier, though."