Let's Play!

Marina looked up at him..

"I guess....."

She felt scared about being stonewalled or something more than anything else as she snuggled into him. Fritz was having none of this and attempted to pounce them both. She missed. Epically. She sailed right past both targets, caught a scoop in the blanket and slide towards the other end of the bed. She couldn't be more frizzed up with her eyes wide and clinging to the bedding for life. Little thing just started to offer little cried now. Too much big world stuff for her.

Marina slowly held out her hand for the phone and sat up so Ryder could check their baby girl out.

Ryder practically threw the phone at her as he dove for the cat.

"Oh no! Is my widdle kitty okay? Poor thing. "

Fritz remained floofy for a bit, but soon enough curled up in his hands to gently purr and fall asleep. Dad had her. This was much better, center of attention, safe warm.... nap time.


Marina had spent the time writing and deleting texts. Until she just sighed.

"It all sounds dumb to me. "

But she did finally send one?

~Marina on Ryder's phone here : I love you. I miss you. I hope you're alright.... if you wanted to come over, it'd be nice. ~

Ryder stared for a second.

"Well... a little indirect, bit good enough. "

Marina sighed.

"I couldn't just demand him back. Its not my place.... especially if he sees us as broken up. "

Her whole person wilted and dimmed at the though, watching the tiny rise and fall of the kitten breathing.

"There is a middle ground between demands and talking around a point. "

But it was fine. He knew she did her best.

"Want to come cuddle? "

"I dunno. Fritz tried to kill me, then herself..."

She crawled over all the same and snuggled into his lap, eyes kind of zoning off a bit as she stared up at the portait of them all together on the wall.

"I love you two so much. "

She whispered, trying to not cry over the mess she felt like things were.

"Our precious baby didn't try to kill anybody. Her love was just so big she got over excited. "

He cuddled them both.

"We love you too."

Marina looked to the kitten, heart warm.

"You love our little furbaby so much.... "

It helped her to see him loving another with her right now . It wasn't like it magically fixed all her pieces that hurt or that it replaced anything her heart longed for.. .

"He's taking too long to text back. I want him to stop sleeping with whoever or feeding his bunnies or whatever and text me back ."

Even if it was mean. She looked so bummed as she poked at his phone with her toe. To be fair, she might have a reply. She didn't know that she'd bumped the silence button when tossing it back to Ryder.

"I love you a bunch too. Here, I'll make it more clear you want a response. "

He pulled out his phone and started typing.

A few minutes later, a heavy sigh sounded from the doorway.

"Alright, alright. I'm here," Ryker announced as he leaned against the frame.

Marina shifted up and looked at him, tears welling right up and she shifted to jump towards Ryker. It wasn't rational or mature response. He was getting the small woman who was rattled and desperately fighting her worst fears.

"Ryker!"

She threw herself right into his chest, fists curling into the front of his shirt. She needed to stop crying and talk. But for this second it was just cling and cry.

Ryker staggered to catch his balance.

"Oof. Ease up a bit. "

Marina swallowed and shook her head a bit as she nuzzled into him.

/No./

She whispered softly, looking up at him with a tear streaked face.

/....ok./

She stepped back, reminding herself she didn't even know if he'd take her back or if he even still loved her. Her face dropped down, tears dripping down to splash all over the floor now.

Ryker frowned, crossing his arms

"What's wrong? "

Marina sniffled and tried not to fall apart.

/ I am.. I love you. /

She tried, taking a few deep breathes as she turned her teary eyes up to him.

/ and I'm worried about you..../

And afraid he was going to walk away and never come back.

"Well, as you can clearly see, I'm healthy as an ox. "

Ryker only lifted one brow a fraction.

Marina sniffled and wiped her tears as she looked over him.

/I didn't want to lose you.... I wasn't meaning anything like that..../

She whispered softly, the question though was all over her face as she stood before her lover.

" i love you. "

So much so it felt like trying to listen to all their lessons and efforts in her growth was intentional torture. She was trembling as she stood still and refrained from reaching for him again. She wanted him so much. But. ..

Ryker's brow lifted further, the corner of his mouth turning up in amusement.

"Of course you do. That won't keep you from being a bitch if i piss you off enough, though."

Marina felt those words cut enough that she might as well have been physically rend in two. She reached out her mind to Ryder, kind of a mess of pain as she fought herself to stay still.

/ I don't think he's ever done that to me. /

She whispered with a pain that ripped her soul loose from her body.

"I won't do it again. "

She promised faintly. Her eyes remained on him, wishing she could find the joy he did in her pain. She didn't mean to do anything wrong. But Ryder had said ..... he'd even sincerely thought she wasn't gonna be alright, but.... as she tried to remind herself they had both guided her through this. That they both wanted her best self so if he was this upset.... she needed to make amends and do better..... be better.

Living and dying by promises was hard, though. To accept the degradation of a precious relationship..... she felt so thin. If one more thing hit her right now she might lose hold, no matter how hard she clung.

Ryker's half smile vanished and he rolled his eyes.

"Don't be like that."

He reached out and poked her forehead.

"Everyone has their limits."




/ do what? Be a dick?/

Ryder eyed his brother with a frown.

/ I don't like that he's doing it, but he's always been a sore loser./

Marina shook her head as she managed to stay still. She reached up to tenderly touch his finger and gently remove it from her forehead.

/ It's ok. If that's all it is, I'm probably deserving. /

She offered back to Ryder, trying to decide what to do as she looked at the finger in the palm of her hand.

" I am not trying to be upsetting. "

She whispered, wishing she could just have her lover back. But this....

/Ryker..... I need you to tell me what you want from me. /

Because she was very confused and scared. She was standing there, wishing that she didn't feel on the cusp of losing all that was precious to her.

/.... I won't send you away again. I mean it. I was wrong. /

Very wrong.

Rykerwaved a hand.

"You're the one that asked me to come by. "


/ no, you're not. He doesn't have the right to be mean to you. /

Marina nodded, swallowing hard as she reached to gingerly catch his hand.

/ Yes. Because being away from you for so long is very, very hard for me. I just wanted to be with you a little while. I miss you. /

Marina expressed softly, timidly cuddling into his chest again now.

/Of course he does. Any of you do. /

Marina reminded Ryder, heart sad that this was all there really could be for her

A hand slid between the two of them. However, Ryder didn't pull her away. Instead, he pushed Ryker backwards a step. He was looking at her, though.

"Marina, I can't... if he makes you feel like what you are before, if just him being around tears down all you've worked to build, he's not good for you."

His gaze flicked to his brother.

"What the hell is wrong with you anyway? You wanted better for her too. "

Marina reached to towards Ryker, fingers curling into his shirt as tears built up in her eyes. She shook her head.

"I pick my partners. "

She reminded Ryder, ignoring how her heart hurt with this, pressing her forehead into his chest.

/I love you. I love you both.... please...../

She begged gently of Ryder.

He withdrew his arm, face stricken.

"That's no reason to let someone hurt you... but... okay. "

He glanced at the phone in his other had with unmistakable regret before sliding it into his pocket and moving around them to go disappear into his room.

/..... I can't lose more right now. I'm not strong enough. If..../

She barely held herself together with how she felt.

/... i know you're looking out for me. I love you. I'm.... I'm sorry. I just. .../

She didn't know what was going on and wanted him to come back. She swallowed hard, looking up at Ryker.

".... do you still love me? "

She asked him tenderly, waiting to be called all sorts of hurtful things by him.... after being called a bitch and him being generally unkind.... it was definitely hard to swallow.

/ standing your ground would just mean things weren't perfect. Doing this is how you lose something. /


"Sure, " he answered even as his eyes flicked between her and the door with suspicion.

There easygoing presence he'd shown up with had vanished under tension.

/I .... I can't stand my ground when I'm the one making it seem like I dumped him. It was a mistake. I never meant that..../

She swallowed at sure and kissed his chest softly.

"Ryker.. "

She whispered, chest feeling close to exploding.... she hugged into him a minute more, telling herself she'd lose both if she didn't pick....

"..... what's wrong? Is it me? "

She asked carefully, watching him.

" Because .... because once not long ago you'd tell me how much you loved me back...... and you did not want me hurt. Even if you were angry with me.... I.... "

She didn't understand now and the more she stood her she was certain this was the end of everything.

/ What do I do when I lose you both? /

And she couldn't hang on anymore? When she died inside and lived the rest of her life broken once too many times and was nothing but a husk of what she had once been?

"

/ you're overcorrecting. You don't have to lay down to make up for a mistake. Marina.../

Ryder wasn't frustrated. Rather, his voice was pleading.

/ you won't./



Ryker frowned now.

"I didn't do anything to hurt you."

/I.....I knew helping him .../

Would cost him. But some part of her had hoped so hard that maybe she had a single chance left. But.... she agreed to the price when going.

"You normally would disagree with that. .... you would not normally call me a bitch or brush off the need for reassurance with the vocal equivalent of a shrug..... I love you. Very much. But I don't know what is wrong or what's happening..... I don't understand why you're being different. "

/i... I can't do this right now. /

Ryder hid in his room. His lover versus his twin. It was too hard to be in the middle, especially when neither one was listening to him.



Ryker clenched his teeth for a moment before answering in a voice of forced calm.

"I didn't call you a bitch. I was making a joke."

He crossed his arms again, taking a step back.

"And no, I didn't fawn over you. I know something dangerous when I see it. Only idiots ignore that."

Marina was hurt even further, backing up from him as her eyes dropped.

"I've never, ever tried to hurt you. Even when I had to text you to go..... it wasn't to break up with you. If your brother is saying you weren't yourself.. it he's worried enough he acted aggressively. I've never seen him do a single thing aggressive. ..... I couldn't ignore that. "

She whispered, shaking her head.

".... it wasn't a joke to me. ... and it was calling me one. Even if indirectly. You never would do this normally. I don't understand why you're being like this and what I did wrong...."

She wanted to run so hard right now. He might be saying she was not losing either, but.... but this felt like it.

"A semi-self deprecating joke as casual acknowledgment about the way the world works is not a personal attack on you. And i might have apologized at one point for last time, but it's apparently already been judged a mortal sin that has completely bankrupt my entire personhood, so i don't see the point."

With a heavy sigh, Ryker's expression flattened.

"Why did you even call me? You've made it very clear you don't like me. "

Marina looked crushed now and looked straight at him.

"Because I'm madly in love with you! I miss you. My heart hurts. My body aches. I feel like I'm suffocating and that the very earth beneath my feet is going to give way any moment. "

Marina reached up to wipe her eyes, shaking her head.

"I haven't judged you. I've been living in terror that I'll never see you again. I've been so desperate to just apologize and hope I've got a single chance left to get it right...."

But she flinched now, many memories catching her and causing her to actually brace as of hands were coming out of the very darkness to throttle her.

"I know mistakes happen as part of learning.... but I also know I'm given an unknown limit.... and I was fairly sure I was already on my last chance with you. "

She shrugged as she hugged herself, wishing she had someone who loved her back this second. Cause it really felt like she was all alone in this and that was terrible.

" I just wanted to see you. Even if it was for you to tell me you didn't love me or couldn't forgive me. I just wanted a few selfish moments more. "

She offered with a defeated look as she looked away.

" I would never mean you harm. I'm rather harmless to you, anyway. But.... for what it's worth you could have anything of me and I'd still want the best for you and love you. "

It was the truth. No matter how unbalanced it became. Marina was dim now, going to pick up the tiny meowing kitten on the bed, petting her to sooth her.

"Then it sounds like your time with me was a mistake. Because you should know that's not what I wanted for you."

Ryker shook his head.

"This whole thing is messed up. "

Marina was silent for a while.

"No. I didn't want you sick or worse. "

She pointed out gently, mind turning.

"And you gave me back something when I was there that's been missing from my life for a very long time. "

She shared with him, looking up at him now.

" Ryker . I thought you were going to hate me when you came to. I was certain you were going to leave me. That even though I went to you because I cared, that ......"

That it wouldn't matter or be enough. That even though she wasn't there to give into her own wishes to be his....

"I love you. I .... I wanted a forever with us."

But she wasn't going to push or plead. If he gave up he gave up. She was putting what she had in it, and that's all she could.

" .... you should know, you let me feel like I was enough. Just a moment in time. No matter what I'd done or hadn't..... for a handful of time I was all that was needed. I was enough. "

She knew telling him was giving him the very blade to kill her with, but she had promised to be honest with both lovers.

This time he was quiet for a bit before replying as well.

"If all of that was true, then it seems to me like it should have been nothing to have a little bit of faith in me."

When he shook his head this time, the bitter expression was not for her.

Marina was silent, letting his words sink in. She snuggled the fuzzy kitten closer to her chest, trying to not cry on the kitten.

"..... faith in you how? Faith that you would come out ok?"

Marina smiled at him tenderly, looking him over.

"I was worried about you being OK with yourself more than anything. You're very hard on yourself. Actually.... I was so worried because at one point I was not sure I wanted to leave that feeling...... "

To feel starved for something she needed badly or die with her heart feeling fixed for a few days? It hadn't really felt fair.

" I was so worried over you. .... or faith that you'd come back to me when you were better? You hated the mention of my company. You were cruel about it, really. "

Marina pointed out, trying to keep the hurt from her voice.

" i knew it was to protect yourself though, so .....I just accepted it. I never wanted to ask if you anything that put you in a bad place."

She swallowed, mouth dry.

" or faith in you when you showed up? Or when your brother said you might hurt me? I did have more faith. I pretty much told him to step out of our relationship. But I was so lonely for you I could recognize I might not have been able to see the risk to myself. ..... I am sorry that it was handled poorly on my part..... then that I was likely impossible to reach for a couple days.... I had to try to not get killed by a valkyrie."

She knew she probably messed up more in there. But maybe he at least could see she really didn't mean to do anything bad.

"Yeah, I'm not happy that you didn't listen to me. What's done is done, though. And I guess it gave us all the proof we could ask for about who we both really are," he mused wryly.

He shook his head and turned away, raising a hand.

"I'm going home for now. "