Let's Play!

Marina made a face and offered a exclaim of surprise.

"That's why he's texting ocean pictures and little umbrella drinks. " .

They were causal associates, normally chatting about Ryder. She sighed though as her present struggles came forward.

" What about our relationship? Is something more wrong? "

She asked, feeling an anxious knot tightening in her stomach.

Ryder shook his head.

"I'm just worried about you."

He considered it a second longer before shaking his head.

"And I'm scared that you might let what you're feeling come between us."

Marina fell still, reaching to touch her chest.

"It could. "

She acknowledged with a gentle look over him.

/ But I can not imagine anything lasting. .. I feel hurt that I feel like I was just played by him. I trusted him. /

She expressed, looking over Ryder with a mixed decision presented to her now.

/I understand and forgive you, but I am still working feeling betrayed by you acting without even expressing anything ..... /

She shrugged a bit.

/I don't know what's wrong with him either. But it'll work out. He's a wonderful man and I'm sure he'll land on his feet in time. /

Because she couldn't think ill of her lover, even if she was positive that they were going to be over. She loved him so, but he'd gotten too easily frustrated with her. Just like Ephriam had. She couldn't imagine trying to plead for seconds and repeated forgiveness....

/I still love you. /

She whispered to Ephriam, so sad at the the thought he'd not bothered even once to speak to her since lashing out.

((iirc they had one more failed thing after the fight? Not explosive, but not successful))

Ryder shrank.

/I really wasn't trying to betray you. If I had thought that was how you'd feel, maybe... I don't know if I would have done it or not./

He just shrugged when she spoke about his brother.

"I dunno. Breakups are hard to begin with, but... That's..."

He glanced at the phone and trailed off.




/I remember it./

It was not emotionless but at the same time there wasn't any one emotion in the words. It was almost like the faintest whisper from a dream.

/ Remember that I'm still in love with you? Or just what it was like before everything fell? /

She asked of Ephriam, coming to rest in to Ryder.

"I told you. I understand. I would rather be hated or lost than see you harmed.... so how can I fault you for doing as I would have? "

Marina shifted up to kiss him now, hugging him.

"That's what? "

She asked softly, feeling a squeeze in her chest. So he thought she and Ryker were over too? She couldn't even explain to him the level of pain this dug.

/ I'm trying to live through it. /

But it might just be what did her in. She'd trusted Ryker so.

Ryder shook his head a little, expression falling.

"Cruel."

He didn't want to say it, but that's how it seemed to him. His eyes drifted back to the phone.

"You both were cruel to each other. He was cruel to be so rough and demanding of you and to take out his frustrations or whatever it was like that. You were cruel to dump him in a text worded like that, especially from the next room."

It wasn't a criticism, though. Rather, he seemed perplexed.

"I just... I don't understand what happened. I feel like I'm missing something."




/I remember my true love... But you've moved on. It's okay. That's how time is./

Sad. With an increase in clarity came the steady sadness that had colored nearly everything about Ephriam for a while now.

/No..... not exactly./

Marina allowed him a bit of it though.

/.... you helped me realize though..... no matter how much I love you, I'm going to have to heal myself first. Because I need to be able to handle things...... /

She smiled sadly though, pressing a kiss to Ryder.

/ Ephriam.... why do you never reach for me? /

She brushed a finger along Ryder's jaw.

"It wasn't a break up text."

She pointed out finally, his words catching up to her.

"But I guess you were missing something...."

So even though this felt wrong to her she shared the weirdly patterned conversation. From the unsavory way that "I still can't thank you" had made her feel to each sharp reaction from Ryker to her. She didn't gloss over or his, just letting him in even though she really kind of felt sick by the end.

/because you're not mine to touch and I generally try to stay in my lane./



"...You slammed the door on any kind of communication or contact until he was something or someone other than who he is. How is that not a breakup text?"

Ryder listened to her recount and simply hugged her back to himself.

"I'm sorry that happened."

Marina looked at him in confusion.

"Ok. ... I didn't think that part through. I was really upset. He just used me. I thought...."

She thought he loved her. It that he would at least be honest. She thought he'd trusted her, too. Her eyes looked over Ryder, a fresh wave of hurt shining in them.

" I still want him. I just don't want.... purposely hurt."



/ .... I could be. I took your offered willingness... I even offered you my hand along the way while we figured it out
You said you were willing to take it.... but.... my darling love. ... it's kind of hard to know what you're hoping for or if you still want to keep trying if you don't talk with me....You are wanted in my lane if you're willing to keep stepping into it with me. /

/maybe what we are now is what we 'figured out'. Either way, you said you have things to do before you can handle anything else. Go ahead./



Ryder nodded.

"You dont have to let him. That really wasn't like him, though. It sounds like he was agitated or something. Maybe he wasn't prepared to see you so small? I don't know. I'm just guessing, trying to find a benefit of the doubt."

/ You're right. I'll break right now if we tried and failed. Right now I'm already fragile. /

She confirmed softly, smiling as much as she hurt. That was soothing to hear from him. He might have been sad, but he wasn't unkind or cruel.

/I do love you. I'm still in love with you. .... do you still want to walk it with me when I'm more sure I'm ready? /


She shook her head a bit as she hugged Ryder tighter, squeezing him a bit before she took his phone. She didn't text on it or anything. She just held it, thinking about texting Ryker. He would probably ignore it.

"It's ok. .... maybe it was just the end for us. Maybe I took too much from him and there was nothing left."

She wasn't the incubi. But her heart felt filled with self blame and guilt. She had clung too hard on a single feeling that she was starving for. She felt so ashamed as she snuggled her love.

"Are you disappointed in me? "

/we'll see./

Which was perhaps as fair as he could be in such an open-ended and unpredictable situation?


Ryder kissed her forehead.

"I'm not disappointed, but your reasoning doesn't sound right to me. That's not how we operate."

".... everytime I'm feeling secure and fulfilled my relationships break.... or end.... or both. Maybe I'm cursed? "

She suggested with sincerity, nuzzling into him as she swallowed the kind truth from Ephriam.

/.... are you disappointed in me? That I'm still trying to find myself and it's taking so long? /

Because she would always care what Ephriam thought, and there was no missing that it might have been him that started the particular fear of not doinging anything at a particular pace.

"I don't think that's the case. Life is complicated."




/No,/ he told her, not explaining or adding anything more than that.

No was probably the kindest he could give a mind that would probably analyze his answer to that one well beyond what it was meant. She let a bit of time pass between them before she mentally coiled about him in that way one could hug another without being there.

/I miss you. .... I will never stop loving you. /

No matter what did or didn't develop for them.

Marina was trying to decide. If Ryder was right.

~I'm sorry. I'm not trying to cut you off or break up..... you scared me and hurt me. I've never once seen your brother so worried for me that he'd resort to any sort of violence. Especially against you. I'm confused and I'm feeling very lost. .... I am willing to talk with you if you want.... ~

That's all she had. Because she hadn't realized how that message was gonna hit.

"I didn't know he was still here, you know. I kinda thought if you were beating him up with household tools he probably overstayed your welcome. "

Marina pointed out as she passed him back his phone with somberness settling into her.

"i wasn't trying to kick him out. He belongs here just as much as I do. I would only try to do that if it was your safety at risk... And I didn't think it was once that moment had passed. I just thought you both needed a minute to cool off and try again once he snapped out of it."

Marina smiled sadly at him.

"It's alright. .... I'm starting to think I belong here less than both of you do. .... "

Her happiness felt so far away.

"I love him. So much. "

"no, we're only here because of you. You belong equally."

"..... is there really a we?"

He had said she just dumped Ryker after all.

"I mean, he'll anyways be my brother. The rest is kind of up to you two?"

Marina looked to the phone in Ryder's car and nodded.

"It's really up to him. I've learned both people have to be in it. It doesn't matter how desperate or in love the other is. "

"and you're one of the people."

Ryder glanced down at the phone.

"It's showing as delivered but unread."

"I love him. I don't want to lose him. I'm not wanting him to go it alone, or to feel abandon....I didn't even want him to leave earlier.... I thought he was already gone...."

She was so soft and flat, her acceptance that her choices had likely cost her the love that meant so much to her. She nestled into the tiny space next to Ryder, wanting to be as small as possible.

"It's ok. After the way he was treated he probably hates both of us."

Ryder snuggled her close, letting her be small.

"Eh. He's probably in a mood, but it's fine. It can still be fixed."

"Not likely. "

She whispered as her mind took her to a place she hadn't been in a very long time. She didn't mean to pull Ryder with her, but it still happened as she fell into memories when she was a very freshly turned vampire, entertaining those three lovers... when he'd been with another and she'd been too new to block it on her own. She'd been so broken and hurt as she non-consensually witnessed someone she cared for so making her watch what he did to/ with another.

She managed to pull them out of it fairly soon, and she should have apologized right away. But it took her a few extra minutes as her mind tortured her about how much more cruel an incubi on a vendetta path could do to her heart.

"Sorry.... apparently I'm more unstable than I knew."

Ryder brushed a tear from her cheek.

"We're not like that. Even our very worst would only involve you."

For whatever that was worth.

Marina swallowed a bit sniffling as she nuzzled into him.

"You're not that cruel. . ... I don't know if Ryker would? I'm not going to act like I've got any say in that, anyway. "

She had accepted that between herself and Ryker, he got final word. She had even realized that as much as it might hurt, that she would rather preserve his feelings over her own.

"But that was a long time ago. .... I was still a very fresh vampire and was still not even sure why I needed more that just my husband. "

She pointed out, redirecting her mind to the past that hurt less than the present.

"I never meant to make you feel powerless."

Ryder kissed her.

"A long to come. A long way to go."

"If I lose him.... I'm sorry."

Because whatever came of it, she was sure he wouldn't like her either after the dust settled.

Ryder shook his head.

"Don't be. If you break up, then it's just not meant to be right now. It's okay."

Marina shifted slowly, looking at him.

"Do you want the honest truth right now? "

She asked him, eyes searching his.

"if you want to give it, yes."

But he was not going to exert any pressure on her at all right now.

".... if I lose him too..... I'm not sure I'll survive, Ryder.. I've been feeling it the longer we are apart. .... I recognize the way my mind and heart are reacting and can't help it. It's too familiar. I'm trying to not let myself fall to the same behaviors, but.... "

But reality was that she wanted her lover deeply.

"I've let it go. Happy family. Marriage. Even just being enough. For anyone. For any amount of time. Feeling special or important.... even having a say in my relationships, really. In still learning how to do it all anyway, and look what happens when I'm trying to advocate for myself. "

She pointed out, tapping the phone between them, too worn to start crying again. She could have easily done it if there was anything else in her to cry.

"I will try. I promised Jethro I would live.... after he broke me and I was lost to this world..... I never anticipated losing Ephriam.... that nearly did it... but...."

She'd attached to those that had been there to anchor her after that mess went down, even if it wasn't fully the same, it was something to keep her going. But to have the stability between them all ripped up so quickly ... she wasn't ready. Not yet.

Ryder rubbed his hands over her skin.

"That's the problem," he told her quietly.

"Letting everything go leaves you with nothing and no reason to live."

/ Reason or not. I promised.... and I will try to keep it. /

But it hurt to think......

"Would it have been breaking my promise if I hadn't ever surfaced? "

What if she'd let herself live the lie for her last days?

"I'm not saying the promise is the problem."

Ryder just sighed.

"I don't know. That would be for you and him to decide, I guess."

Marina looked off now, curling into herself instead of him.

/ You can go to your brother if you want. .... you know I never want to be between you two, right? /

Ryder nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I don't want to go to him. Are you asking me to check on him for you?"

".... would you be upset with me if I was? "

The look on her face though was clearly a please. She cared so much.

"no. I'd do it for your sake. But you'd have to promise you'd be okay until I got back."