I Didn't Think It Would Happen Like This

[Tree]

/I dunno? /

He was just.... relieved. She believed he loved her and wasn't doubting him or shoving him away. The novelty couldn't reach him right now.

[Sushi]

Willow leaned back a little, looking over his torso. She was doing a lot better after crying out her overload. Now was just her trying to take it all in.

/it's not fair. It's taking all my reason not to crawl all over you like a bug and poke you as my own little science experiment./

[Tree]

Ansel laughed, shifting to let her go.

/ By all means.... but you're kinda poking yourself, too./

He was amused now, watching her with a relaxed smile.

[Sushi]

Willow hesitated.

/Is that the reason it's not interesting to you?/

[Tree]

/No.... I'm just.... relaxing. /

Relief couldn't really come close to summerizing exactly how blissful it felt to be believed.

[Sushi]

Willow eased and nodded. She resumed what had previously been a subtle little quest. She ran her hands over him, currently starting from his back and dragging her fingers around his sides to his stomach. Occasionally she would pause, kneading at some spot or another a little.

/You're so strong./

She pressed her fingertips hard into his abs, leaning in with all her weight.

[Tree]

Ansel blinked

"I thought you knew that? "

[Sushi]

"I did, but it's different to feel it. Like, I knew it, but I don't know if I really completely understood?"

She didn't have a frame of reference.

[Tree]

Ansel nodded slowly

"Your magic is intense. "

He reached to lightly boop her.

"It's zapping."

It didn't sound bad, but it gave a clear respect.

[Sushi]

Willow leaned back away, resting her hands in her lap.

"Now you get why we keep it in the dark, then. No need to shock everybody," she joked, despite the flood of shame and disgust that made her skin crawl.

[Tree]

Ansel wrinkled his nose at her.

"Why keep that in the dark? It won't be shocking forever. It's not like other things of similarity don't exist? "

[Sushi]

Her insides recoiled in utter revulsion, a dark stew bubbling in her gut for a moment and threatening to spit out any number of reminders of the things that had taught her she was a monster in the first place. But it all lasted only a second or two before she detached herself from it all, emptying herself out and shrinking her awareness down to the rearrangement of some music notes in her head.

"It is yours to use how you like, if that's what you're asking."

[Tree]

Ansel say up, eyes meeting hers as he caught a blip of the parts of her mind that liked to hurt her.

"Willow..... past hurts done define reality, you know that, right? "

[Sushi]

As he sat up, she climbed off of him so he'd have room. Her eyes followed him, though the sense of danger making up the walls of her bubble only thickened. She was absolutely not allowed to feel anything about this. Her beast had chosen to open the door, so Willow just had to accept any consequences that came from it.

"Go on," she numbly encouraged him to say everything on his mind.

[Tree]

Ansel sighed, reaching to take her hands.

"Willow.... I'm not going to force this, but we're one now. I need you to hear this. You're not defined by what others have done or decided. "

[Sushi]

Willow stared at his hands, biting down hard on her barbell to keep her tongue still. Instead, she just forced a nod until she could find better words.

"Like I said, it's yours. It has been for a long time."

It hadn't even been an hour. Why did she already feel so lonely again? She pulled her hands away and turned to drop her feet over the edge of the bed.

[Tree]

Ansel sighed.

"I did not bind to you for your magic. I bound to you so you'd realize I really do love you. So you could hear me when I say I want you forever. "

[Sushi]

Willow shook her head a little.

"I didn't think that you did, not that I would have cared if you had. I legitimately don't care. I gave it freely."

That wasn't the hard part of this conversation.

[Tree]

"Talk to me, Willow. "

He urged softly .

[Sushi]

Willow smoothed the edge of her nightie over her knees even as she continued to withdraw away from him and into the loneliness.

"What is there to say?"

It wasn't backhanded. She truly couldn't think of anything he would think was worth offering.

/He never listens to anything I have to say about that anyway,/ she sulked internally, not realizing the thought had leaked out.

[Tree]

Ansel took a breath.

"Yes. I do. "

He protested, looking at her in confusion.

"Willow. Why are you pulling away from us?"

Or trying. He was barely refraining from pointing out how futile that it was.

[Sushi]

"what?"

Willow glanced his way with equal confusion.

"I'm not?"

Not consciously, anyway. It was just something that just kind of happened when she felt unwanted or unseen.

[Tree]

"Willow.... come back to me? Don't hide from us? "

He asked gently, shifting to offer his arms for her.

[Sushi]

"I wasn't hiding."

Willow looked at his arms, and she didn't really want to at first. However, after a second she crawled back over into his lap.

[Tree]

Ansel hugged her and his body settled just having the contact with her.

/ Willow, my love...... why do you not believe that nothing about you is so.... wrong? /

It was obvious wrong wasn't the word he wanted but settled for in light of not finding what he wanted.

[Sushi]

She let her head rest on his shoulder.

/Maybe there's not at the moment. If I'm careful and well behaved, maybe it can stay that way for a while. But eventually I'll mess up and show the unmentionable parts, and then how wrong it is just depends on your mood or whoever else's threat level or the result of whatever surfacing./

[Tree]

/.... we're one, Willow. Being angry at you seems foolish. It's like cutting off your nose to spite your face.. pointless at best./

[Sushi]

/you don't have to be angry to say that something about me is wrong. That's never been a prerequisite for deciding what you will and won't accept about me./

[Tree]

/ Willow. I accepted it all with good decision. Everything. /

[Sushi]

Willow shook her head a little before taking a deep breath and looking up at him.

/I can tell that you believe that... But you have already also given me proof that you're mistaken./

[Tree]

/ What do you mean? How? What? /

Poor thing was so confused

[Sushi]

Willow couldn't hold his gaze, instead shifting to fiddle with thedrawstring on his pants.

/Because you're just setting the rules about how I'm supposed to feel about it based on how you feel about it and the things you think you know. You didn't ask anything about my side until afterwards. Making decisions about me without even considering my side is not accepting me./

She picked at the knot at the end of one string.

/And you say you accept it all, but... For example, you said you want my magic to not be hidden but at the same time you keep refusing it. You even refused it during the act./

Her lip poked out, and even she was surprised by how much his refusals hurt her feelings.

[Tree]

/.... I'm not refusing it? I'm saying I didn't do this for that? I'm saying I'm not wanting to 'use' you. I'm saying I do not wish you to be seen as an object? ..... I wouldn't even know -how- to use it. /

He admitted to her, reaching to pet her hair.

/ I'm not able to set the rules.. I'm telling you that you're allowed to take up space and be yourself . Everyone has right, so long as it does no harm to another..... even that's more like a guideline, really. /

[Sushi]

/neither do I. She does, though. And we're only ever offering, not accusing you of trying to get it. She chose you as her mate YEARS ago, and the magic has been yours ever since then./

Well, except for that brief blip around the time of the party.

/Because that's the thing - my magic doesn't really do anything for me, but it's horrifying to everyone else. You've not liked it any time it's come up. It scared Suri. Sometimes it even scares me./

Willow rubbed her face on him, twisting the string around her finger.

/It's not okay./

[Tree]

Ansel smiled a tiny bit.

/ That's generally a thing for good people. They tend to be scared by power, no matter it's form. Power is to be respected. The power that you hold inside? It is the sort that could corrupt or change destinies. It's not good or bad on its own. But knowing the potential it has can be frightening to even the bravest. /

Ansel tilted her face up to kiss her now,, hugging her.

"At most? It's ours. While you've picked me, I will not use it without just cause. .... neither will your charge. Or our offspring. Or anyone else. We're bound now. Two people making one whole."

He pointed out with gentle kisses.

[Sushi]

"but if you still don't like it, then why are you telling me to use it? Whether the it's the tiny bits I've ever touched as me or anything she has access to..."

Willow trailed off, thinking about how it has felt last night.

[Tree]

Ansel shook his head.

"I didn't say I didn't like it. "

He pointed out, feeling a bit perplexed and trying to clamp that down a bit as he looked over her.

" i don't like how you feel about yourself. You're precious to me."

[Sushi]

"I don't know what you want from me, then. I tried to warn you."

Willow's shoulders slumped in defeat. By this point she was feeling very down. She clenched a muscle in her chest and held it, her blood pressure immediately dropping and wings shrinking back into herself.

[Tree]

Ansel shook his head.

"I just want to love you. .... and you to realize I'm not displeased with you. I love you. I picked you...."

She wasn't the only one defeated as he hugged her into him, making a face before glancing down to her.

"That was really, really weird..... i still don't get how that doesn't hurt. "

But he had just felt it.... then he was distracted in half a second.

"Hey, can they come back out? "

[Sushi]

"I think it works the same way as your penis."

The morose tone made the dry statement somehow funny. Still, the woman relaxed the muscle around the organ near her heart to a neutral state, and the tissue expanded back outwards with the rise of her blood pressure. It didn't hurt her whatsoever, but she did scratch at the patch of scales by her wrist that snagged a tiny fiber off his shirt when they surfaced.